Finding Light in the Deepest Darkness: My Journey from Loss to Abundance

When I lost my twin brother, I thought the world had ended. Not just my world—but the entire universe. How could life continue when half of my soul was gone?

That question haunted me through years of grief, through the weight of other losses that followed, and through the darkest nights when breathing felt like betraying everyone I'd loved and lost. If you've experienced profound loss, you know this feeling. The guilt of surviving. The anger at a universe that seems indifferent to your pain. The way joy becomes a foreign language you can no longer speak.

Today, I want to share something that might sound impossible if you're in that dark place right now: abundance consciousness didn't just help me survive my grief—it helped me discover a depth of joy I never knew existed. Not despite my losses, but because of how they taught me to truly see what matters.

When Death Becomes Your Teacher

Losing people you love—especially multiple losses—feels like the universe is playing a cruel joke. My twin brother wasn't just my sibling; he was my mirror, my other half, the person who understood me without words. When he died, I felt like I lost my identity along with him.

The deaths that followed felt like additional proof that life was fundamentally unsafe, that love was dangerous, and that attachment only led to pain. Each funeral felt like evidence that scarcity—not abundance—was the true nature of reality.

I remember standing at gravesites thinking, "How can anyone talk about gratitude or abundance when everything good gets taken away?" It felt offensive, almost insulting, to suggest there was anything to be grateful for when my heart felt like it had been shredded.

But here's what I discovered, slowly and sometimes reluctantly: grief itself became my unexpected teacher about what abundance really means.

The Scarcity of Grief Mind

Grief has its own logic, and much of that logic is rooted in scarcity thinking. When you're deep in loss, your mind becomes hyperfocused on what's missing:

• "I'll never hear his laugh again"

• "No one will ever understand me the way she did"

• "All the good people are gone"

• "I'm running out of time with everyone I love"

This scarcity mindset makes perfect sense when you're grieving. Your brain is trying to protect you from future loss by cataloging everything that's finite, everything that can be taken away. It's a survival mechanism, but it can also become a prison.

I spent months—years, if I'm honest—living in this mental prison. Every happy memory felt painful because it reminded me of what I'd lost. Every new relationship felt risky because it might mean another future loss. I was existing, but I wasn't really living.

The problem with grief-scarcity thinking isn't that it's wrong—loss is real, and love does make us vulnerable. The problem is when it becomes our only way of seeing. When we can only notice what's missing, we stop noticing what's still here.

The Gentle Shift Toward Abundance

I want to be clear about something: I didn't wake up one day and decide to "think positively" about my losses. That's not how abundance consciousness works, and honestly, that approach would have felt insulting to my grief.

Instead, the shift happened gradually, almost accidentally. It started with tiny moments of noticing:

• The way morning light still felt warm on my skin

• How my friend's hug lasted exactly as long as I needed it to

• The fact that I could still feel my brother's love, even though his physical presence was gone

These weren't "silver linings" or attempts to make my grief pretty. They were simply moments when I noticed that loss and abundance could exist simultaneously. That having lost deeply didn't mean there was nothing left to receive.

Redefining Abundance Through Loss

Traditional abundance thinking often focuses on having more, getting more, attracting more. But grief taught me a different kind of abundance—the abundance of depth, connection, and presence that comes from truly understanding how precious everything is.

When you've lost people you love, you develop a different relationship with time, with attention, with the simple fact of being alive. You start noticing things that busy, ungrieved people miss:

• The way your coffee tastes when you're really present with it

• How profound a genuine conversation can be

• The miracle of your heart beating without your conscious effort

• The abundance of memories that live within you

This wasn't about replacing my grief with gratitude. It was about discovering that grief and gratitude could coexist. That loving someone deeply enough to mourn them is itself a form of abundance.

The Health Benefits of Embracing Both

Living in pure grief-scarcity was literally killing me. The constant stress of focusing only on loss was affecting my sleep, my immune system, my ability to connect with people who were still alive. My body was paying the price for my mind's exclusive focus on what was missing.

When I began to practice abundance consciousness—not as a way to avoid grief, but as a way to honor it more fully—my health started to change:

Better Sleep: Instead of lying awake cataloging everything I'd lost, I could rest in the knowledge that love itself was still present in my life.

Reduced Anxiety: I stopped living in constant fear of the next loss and started appreciating the people who were still here.

Improved Relationships: I could show up fully for friends and family instead of being so wrapped up in my pain that I couldn't see their needs.

Physical Healing: The chronic tension I'd been carrying in my body began to release as I stopped fighting against reality and started working with it.

How Abundance Consciousness Transforms Grief

Here's what abundance consciousness taught me about grief that no one else had told me:

Your Love Doesn't Die When Someone Dies

The love I felt for my twin brother didn't disappear when he died—it just needed a new place to live. Abundance consciousness helped me realize that love itself is infinite, even when the people we love are not physically infinite.

Grief Is Love With Nowhere to Go

When I stopped seeing grief as proof of scarcity and started seeing it as proof of how deeply I could love, everything changed. My grief became evidence of my capacity for connection, not evidence that connection was dangerous.

You Can Honor the Dead by Fully Living

The best way to honor people you've lost isn't to stop living—it's to live more fully than you ever have. They don't want you to suffer forever; they want you to experience all the joy they no longer can.

Present-Moment Abundance

Grief often keeps us trapped in the past (missing what was) or fearful of the future (what else might be lost). Abundance consciousness brings us back to this moment, where love and connection are still possible.

Practical Steps for Grieving Hearts

If you're reading this while navigating your own losses, here are some gentle ways to begin opening to abundance consciousness:

Start Microscopic

Don't try to feel grateful for huge things. Notice tiny moments of ease: the warmth of shower water, the taste of your morning drink, the softness of your pillow. These aren't betrayals of your grief—they're reminders that you're still capable of receiving goodness.

Honor Your Grief AND Your Joy

When moments of happiness come, don't push them away out of guilt. Your loved ones wouldn't want you to suffer forever. Let yourself feel both grief and joy, sometimes simultaneously.

Find New Ways to Connect

Your relationship with people you've lost doesn't end when they die—it just changes form. Write them letters. Talk to them. Feel for their presence in quiet moments. This isn't denial; it's abundance consciousness recognizing that love transcends physical presence.

Practice "Both/And" Thinking

Instead of "I miss him AND life is meaningless," try "I miss him AND I can still feel his love guiding me." Both can be true simultaneously.

Look for Their Gifts in Your Life

The people we lose often leave gifts in us—their sense of humor, their compassion, their way of seeing beauty. Abundance consciousness helps us recognize these gifts as ongoing connections, not just memories.

The Joy That Comes After

I won't lie to you: I will always miss my twin brother. There will always be a brother-shaped space in my heart that no one else can fill. But abundance consciousness taught me that this space isn't empty—it's full of love, memories, and the ways he continues to influence who I am.

The joy I experience now is different from the joy I knew before loss. It's deeper, more intentional, more grateful. It's joy that knows how precious and fragile everything is. It's joy that doesn't take anything for granted.

This isn't the naive happiness of someone who hasn't suffered. This is the profound contentment of someone who has looked directly at life's hardest truths and chosen to keep their heart open anyway.

Your Journey Forward

If you're in the depths of grief right now, please know this: you don't have to choose between honoring your loss and experiencing joy again. Abundance consciousness isn't about forgetting or "getting over" anyone. It's about learning to hold both the reality of loss and the possibility of continued meaning.

Your grief is evidence of your capacity to love deeply. That same capacity can still bring beauty into your life, even as you miss the people who are no longer here to share it with you.

The people you've lost don't want you to stop living. They want you to live so fully that you experience all the wonder they no longer can. Your joy doesn't dishonor their memory—it celebrates the love they helped you discover within yourself.

Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. And when you're ready, let abundance consciousness show you that there's still so much goodness available to you, not despite your losses, but because of how they've deepened your appreciation for everything that remains.

Your heart is bigger now because of what it's held. That's not scarcity—that's the most profound abundance of all.

If you're ready to explore how abundance consciousness can help you navigate grief and rediscover joy, consider joining our supportive community. Together, we can honor what we've lost while embracing what's still possible.